Thor Discovers The Sims
by CitizenofCorvisMinor
Summary: In progress. Written for an avengerkink prompt on lj. Thor discovers the Sims, and makes Sim Avengers. Hijinks ensue. Eventual Bruce/Tony, but not the focus.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I don't own Marvel characters, or EA Games. Everything these days is owned by one of like 5 giant parent companies, and I am not one of them._

When it came right down to it, Clint thought, the god of thunder was pretty needy. He couldn't blame the guy, he supposed. Here he was, in a new realm where he didn't know anybody except for Jane and his teammates, and none of them really had time in their busy lives to hang out. Jane was always out of town. Apparently discovering an alien god was enough of a break through in the astrophysics world that it kept her in too much work to actually go on dates with said alien god.

Banner and Stark were always in Tony's lab, pretending to be boring. Clint knew from the grins and the stories and the singed off eyebrows that it was all explosions and mad scientist mythbusters shit and home distilled alcohol, but the last time he dropped by for a visit they smiled at him and showed him slides of cell growth patterns in response to varying levels of gamma radiation with control groups accounting for something or other, and it was all as dry as any high school science class, except with two post-child-prodigies for teachers. And he had the sense they were grinning at each other behind their best Ben Stein impressions as they lectured on mitochondrial DNA. As soon as he'd left he'd heard them giggling. Whatever project they were working on, it was clear they didn't want company, his or Thor's.

Natasha was solitary by nature, and she knew how to discourage company. She would show up to hang out if someone brought booze, but otherwise her door was closed, her room was locked, and with all of Stark Tower at her disposal she moved rooms every three days. Old assassin instincts about sleeping in the same place for too long, Clint supposed.

Steve and Thor did hang out, and bonded over what Tony called "being from out of town". However, these meetings, while initially comforting to both had recently become just sad, after the millionth exchange of "Yeah, I don't get that either!" With no one with any actual data on 21st century Earth, their support group was not helpful at best, and a reminder of their isolation at worst.

The end result was that Thor spent a lot of time with Clint. A lot of time that Clint wanted to be alone, having Clint time.

"What's that?" Thor asked, pointing at Clint's computer. He'd let himself in to Clint's room, sat down in the only other chair, and started regaling him with more stories of Asgardian drinking buddies Clint would probably never meet and couldn't keep straight anyway.

"That?" Clint looked at the game he'd been loading when Thor had interrupted his quiet time, "That's the Sims 2. It's a game."

"Is it a game of skill at war and physical prowess?" Thor asked.

"No, it's just… It's to play god a bit. It's fun," Clint downplayed it.

"A game for gods, you say?" Thor bellowed. "I must try this Game of Gods!"

It was perfect. What better hobby to give Thor? It was quiet, nondisruptive, and the most engrossing, colossal waste of time there was. There was no end to the Sims, nothing to be accomplished, just the endless mundane lives of little pixel people. Clint could finally get some peace and time to himself.

"Okay, buddy, no problem. We'll just install it on your computer. Tony gave you a computer, right? Don't worry, I have all the expansions."

And hour and a half later (Stark tech was fast, but there were seriously like 20 expansion packs), Thor and Clint were sitting in the living room, everything was all installed, and Clint helped him load the game. It was a big time investment, but it would all be worth it when Thor was spending 12 hours a day playing the Sims, and Clint had time to himself. It would be educational, too, he told his conscience; Thor would learn about all sorts of Midgardian customs and items he'd been struggling with. Lawn gnomes, ceiling fans, kicky bag. Yes, he was definitely helpingThor out.

"Okay, big guy, it's all ready. I got everything installed, and even downloaded some special extras for you, ARC, and stuff like that."

"What are these extra specials? Is it the pleasing dipping sauce from the land of the golden arches?"

"No, that's just 'special sauce'. ARC is a fan developed program that lets your sims have more initiative in forming relationships and having casual sex," Clint explained.

"That sounds pleasing! As a benevolent god, I shall let my tiny subjects choose their own mates!"

"Um, yeah, it's kind of fun for that. I also took off the eight sims per household limit. I figure Stark's stuff is nice enough that your game won't lag. Pick a neighborhood and I'll show you how to make sims," Clint showed Thor the three base neighborhoods.

"None of these neighborhoods are as majestic as Asgard! I choose the middle one! The town of Strange! It looks much like the desert where I first laid eye on the Lady Jane," Thor boomed.

"Great. Anyone you make will fit in fine there," Clint loaded the Create-a-Family screen.

Thor began to play with the facial sliders, hair color buttons, wardrobe styles, and personality point spreads for his first sim.

"I control all, from the shap of their cheeks to the nature of their souls!" Thor bellowed excitedly. "What do these pictograms do?"

"Those? So all Sims have one of six different aspirations: family, popularity, fortune, romance, knowledge, or pleasure. They're meant to represent different types of people."

Thor stared blankly.

"For example, Bruce would be a classic knowledge sim. He spends all his time in the lab, he really likes discovering new things…"

"Would Tony Stark also be a knowledge sim, then? Or a fortune sim, because he has much wealth?"

"Um… he might be a knowledge sim, but I'd definitely say he has a pleasure secondary aspiration. Maybe pleasure aspiration with knowledge secondary."

"I think I begin to understand. So Steve Rogers would be a 'romance' sim, because he enjoys traditional midgardian romantic ballads, and the colorless tiny people in the box that Tony Stark calls 'chick flicks'."

"You'd think, but that's not exactly what a romance sim is… you know what? Sure. Steve's a romance sim. It's your game. Why not? I'll see you at dinner, Thor. Have fun," Clint hurried back to his room.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Short one today, longer one tomorrow, ok? Thanks for reading!_

Clint sighed happily as he reclined in his suite's office chair. What to do, what to do?

An hour later he was finally making some progress on knitting some fingerless gloves he'd started before this whole Loki mess, when a siren sounded in his room, and judging by the echoing down the corridors, in every other room in Stark Tower. "Avengers," Nick Fury's voice came through the speakers, "Report to the Helicarrier for immediate assembly!"

Clint took a moment to mourn his afternoon to himself before trudging out the door.

Three days later, Steve wandered into Thor's room, looking for someone who would help him use his phone without making fun of him. It would be easier to find Thor, he speculated, if he could figure out how to call him.

Movement in the corner of the room caught his eye. Colors and patterns danced on Thor's computer screen. Steve bent over the screen, and marveled as the colors resolved themselves into tiny people. Tiny versions of THEM.

Steve flipped open his phone, cursed as he realized he didn't know how to use it, and ran off down the hall.

"Bruce! Tony!" He yelled for the people most likely to understand - or have created - evil technology, "Anyone? You better come see this!"


	3. Chapter 3

Steve tried to justify himself to the two smirking scientists in front of him. "I just thought it might be some like of dastardly plot by a villain to grow computer replacements of us, or that they were the real you trapped in an alternate world, or... something,"

"How do you know we're not?" Bruce asked.

"Not what?"

"Not replacements sent to deceive you while your real team mates are trapped in this complex piece of technological mayhem," Tony finished. Bruce, with years of practice mastering his emotions, remained straight faced. Tony cracked and began snickering.

"We're," Bruce stifled a giggle, "really glad you brought this to our attention, Steve." He rubbed a hand bashfully over his perpetual five o'clock shadow to hide his widening smile.

"I mean," Steve continued to try to explain, "they're very lifelike... The one of you even has a robot making work bench."

"Well I'll be damned," Tony leaned over the desk to look at the tiny pixel Tony, who was indeed crafting a robot.

"Your energy bar is in the red, Tony. Maybe you'd better take a break from the robotics and catch some sleep," Bruce leaned over Tony's shoulder, resting a hand on his back, pressed a few buttons and the Tony sim dropped the wrench and hammer and began walking toward a bed.

"Awwww, just like real life.." Tony smiled and leaned into the touch of Bruce's hand on his back.

Bruce made a valiant effort to frown at Tony, but a small smile snuck out, nevertheless, he dropped his hand.

Steve, however, was even more alarmed, "How did you tell computer Tony what to do?"

"It's simple," Bruce trailed off for a moment as he realized yet another opportunity to be a troll, "I was having some problems with Tony not listening to reason - I'm sure you've experienced it - so while he was asleep I implanted a obedience chip in his brain. Now he, and all representations of him, have to follow my orders."

"Oooh, kinky," Tony waggled his eyebrows.

That horrified-by-the-future expression they were all so used to seeing on Steve slowly gave way to a look of hopeful curiosity, "So you can make Tony obey orders?"

"Wait, you're not disgusted at my disregard for Tony's civil liberties?" Bruce looked from one superhero to the other.

"I would be, but with Tony, someone had to take extreme measures," Steve replied.

"I think we broke Captain America," Bruce informed his lab partner.

But Tony was transfixed by the Sims, "Bruce, look at this..."

"Oh, she's gonna be pissed if she sees this..." Bruce's eyes widened.

"So we should definitely tell her, right?" Tony whipped out his phone. "Natasha, party in Thor's room, now. What? Yes, of course I've got a flask on me. What kind of question is that?" Tony hung up and turned to Bruce. "Sometimes it's like she doesn't even know me."

Bruce was still staring at a Sim identifiable as Natasha mostly by a bob of red hair, "I wonder who-"

"Is that what it looks like?" Steve interrupted incredulously. "I mean, can they do that? That seems very advanced. Jarvis can't do that, can he?"

"No, Jarvis can't reproduce," Bruce smiled.

"That gives me an idea for some new sub routines, actually..." Tony mused.

"You see, Steve, Sims are much more advanced than Jarvis," Tony frowned at Bruce's explanation for a moment before he realized what the curly haired scientist was up to. "They're top of the line AI. These were probably created using complete neural scans of all of us, and supplementary data from our SHIELD files. Watching their behavior will give us insight into our own psyches."

Steve nodded like it was all starting to make sense, "That's why the Stark one builds robots until he passes out..."

Natasha walked in, "Why are we all in Thor's room? And since when do two guys who discuss particle physics for fun and a man who unironically watches 'Reefer Madness' qualify as a party? Also: flask."

Tony pressed a hand to his arc reactor in an impression of wounded pride, the pulled a flask out of his coat pocket and passed it to Natasha.

Bruce pulled out the chair in front of the computer for her.

"What's this?" she gestured to the screen with the flask before taking a swig.

"Oh, I forgot, in Soviet Russia computer games play you!" Tony quipped.

"And mostly win at chess championships," Natasha agreed, generously letting the crack slide. "So what is this?"

"It's the Sims," Bruce explained. "A game of artificial people and their mundane day to day lives."

"And someone made sims of all of us!" Tony hurried him along, practically dancing in his eagerness to get to the punchline. "And this one's you!"

"Why am I fat? More importantly, why am I wearing pastels?" Natasha questioned.

"Because you're pregnant!" Tony yelled as if he were throwing a surprise party.

Whatever good mood Natasha had been coaxed into by the free sharing of alcohol was gone. "Who did this?" Her gaze turned to Steve. "Is this your game? Is this your idea of a joke?"

"No ma'am," Steve answered. "Even if I could, I wouldn't use technology to cast into doubt the honor of a lady," he coughed. "But I think there is one person in this room who is conniving with regards to both technology and women..."

Natasha trained her sights on Tony, looking like a bull who'd just seen red.

"Whoa, whoa, first of all, I can assure you there have been no soiling of women's virtue with me, in quite a while," he winked at Bruce, who tried to ignore him, "secondly, I did not do this," Tony took out his phone, "Avengers Assemble!"

"I'm supposed to make those calls..." Steve sighed.

"And you will, once you figure out how to use your phone," Stark assured him, "Repeat, all Avengers to Thor's room. This is an emergency. We need to know who got Natasha pregnant."

Natasha fingered her throwing knives and looked at the back of Tony's head as Bruce pulled him aside, "So when were you going to tell Steve he has to charge his phone?"

"He'll figure it out eventually. Or Thor will ruin it by showing him."


	4. Chapter 4

Clint and Thor arrived in short order. Neither looked prepared for any avenging, Steve noted sourly, but forgave them, deciding it was probably just a reaction to Tony's lackadaisical call for assembly.

"What's up?" Clint strolled jauntily into the room before he noticed the screen everyone was poring over, realized that this could not be good, and tried to retreat back the way he'd come. Natasha apprehended him, her nails digging into his ropy arm as she manhandled him into the room.

"Did you have anything to do with this, Barton?" She threatened to twist his arm with a tight grip.

"I may have set up the game for him... But anything that's going on is all Thor," Clint knew too much about Natasha's interrogation techniques to not immediately cooperate.

"Fear not my friends, your miniature selves are watched over by Thor, your benevolent safe keeper and god!" Thor bellowed.

"So how long has it been since you remembered our miniature selves, out of curiosity?" Tony asked.

Thor paused, "Three days. But from what Clint has told me, it may have been many years their dimension."

"Hold your horses!" Steve interrupted, "If these 'sims'-"

"Who taught him about air quotes?" Tony sighed.

Steve continued, ignoring Tony "-have all of our knowledge and personality, but they experience time at an accelerated rate, couldn't they be used to predict our futures?"

There was a moment of silence at Steve's misguided revelation.

"Yes," said Tony. "Yes. That."

Steve turned to Bruce, apparently having just enough sense to not trust Tony. Tony glared at Bruce, clearly using all the telepathic powers he did not possess to convey "C'mon, Bruce, don't wuss out on me now." A tense moment passed as Bruce wondered if he had fallen in with the metaphorical bad crowd at school.

"That's actually the reason the military developed the Sims, Steve," Bruce answered levelly.

Tony grinned devilishly, pleased at having won the battle for Bruce's soul.

Thor smiled, "You did not tell me this game would have such life altering affects, Clint the Hawk! I wish to see if the lady Jane and I shall have many strapping sons! And if my brother will ever learn the error of his ways?"

"You made a Loki Sim?" Clint questioned.

"Of course. How could I create myself," he gestured at the Sim Thor, "without my brother? I did have to move him to a separate castle, as he and Tony Stark got into too many fights."

"This is a castle?" Natasha asked skeptically.

"Yeah, why is there grass inside the house?" Steve asked.

"I ran out of gold after raising many walls, and obtaining many goods for your comfort," Thor shifted his weight and looked embarrassed.

"Hey, no worries, robot bench before hardwoods. I stand by your prioritization," Tony slapped Thor on the back.

"I also purchased beds, a toilet, a TV, and an espresso machine!" Thor was back to being proud of his accomplishments.

"Great ideas all of them," Tony assured him. "Now I'll start the baby daddy betting at five million on Barton," When no one followed him, he added, "You're all betting with my money. Why shouldn't you, I pay for everything else around here?"

"In that case, I've got five million on Tony," Bruce added. Tony managed to look both proud and wounded.

"I'm betting on Steve," Clint smirked. Steve looked shocked.

"Ms. Romanoff, I assure you, if it turns out I am your 'baby daddy'," Steve showed off his newly learned air quotes and lingo, "we can get married immediately."

"Steve, that's really not necessary," Natasha smiled a little despite herself.

"No, I mean it. I wouldn't let our child grow up in a broken home," Steve made a flat line of his mouth.

"That's really sweet, but our sims don't have to get married."

"Wait, ...Sims?"

"Moving on," Natasha had gone from looking slightly charmed at Steve's chivalry to severely disturbed.

"Don't worry, Steve," Tony grinned, "she really does want to marry you, that's just the hormones talking."

"I don't necessarily _want_ to marry her," Steve backtracked, "but if it turns out we have a child together, it's the only right thing to do."

"Ah," Tony sighed, slinging an arm around Bruce, "the mid-twentieth century nuclear family ideal which ensured we both had such happy childhoods."

"Is the wagering closed?" Thor asked. "I also wish to wager on the Hawk."

"I hate all of you," Natasha replied evenly.

"That belly says you love at least one of us," Tony waggled his eyebrows at her.

"How do we find out who the father is?" Bruce flipped through various controls.

"We can't, until the baby is born," Clint explained.

"Oh. Waiting. My favorite," Tony sat.

"I can't believe you guys aren't more excited about this chance to peer into your futures!" Steve interrupted.

"I don't suppose we can talk him out of this with something about paradoxes?" Bruce sighed.

"Nope," Tony grinned.

"Okay," Steve gestured Thor to the computer, "let's see what our futures hold!"


End file.
